The Nightmares
by WriterGirl5689
Summary: Molly has been battling with her nightmare since she got back from her second tour, they are normally the same with the same endings but this time it's different. Can Captain James finally get her to open up about them?
1. Chapter 1

The nightmares have been invading my sleep for a while now, despite my last tour being short and uneventful I am still plagued by events of that day. When I shut my eyes I can see it so clearly, I can feels the grains of sand in my hair, I can smell the sweat from the people on the truck, I can still hear the excruciating scream he cried she the bullets made light work in making him into a type of Swiss cheese. The sound of the bullet being released from the pistol still hammers in my ears, making them ring when I wake. I'm scared to close my eyes. I cannot bring myself to tell him, it would break his heart to see what the sands have done to me, so I sob quietly when I awake I don't want to remind him of the pain he went through. It's been so long, we have come so far since that day, but why won't Afghan leave me be, it laid Smurf to rest. Why not me?

I wasn't expecting to awake to find a different ceiling above me, this one was solid it didn't flap around in the warm winds of Afghan. Yet another nightmare wriggled into my short slumber awaking me with a wet back from sweat, these nightmares are determined to keep me awake I swear, I glance at the clock, 3:30am, being careful not to wake him I go downstairs. The hallway floor in our Bath house is taters, despite there being a rare layer of snow on the ground I walk around wearing only a sun top and shorts. I sit down on the sofa and open my laptop determined to finish the medical reports on my section before our deployment in 2 months, these were just the first of many to come. The lights from the tree twinkled like fairies show why don't they remind me of 'em. With 4 reports finished, I decide to shut my eyes, next thing I know the sun is beating upon my back. The pistol is in my hands once more.

This time everything is twisted, the bossmans sidearm is in my hands as usual I look down the barrel ready to fire the shame shot as that day, then I lose focus and see the eyes staring back at me. There the same eyes that watch me sleep, the ones that make me cry with laughter, there Charles' eyes. "It's your fault he's dead" his voice is cold and slimy "you didn't save him Dawes, Smurf is dead because of you." He was blaming me for Smurf's death, but he wasn't dead I had just treated him. That's when I turned around he was lying in his own blood, dead. I ran over to him screaming his name "Smurf, wake up you cockwomble! Don't you dare leave me, I've saved you once before and I'll do it again." I shook him in an attempt to get a response, but when my hands touched his skin I jumped, he was ice cold. My body gave up defeated screaming for Charles to shoot me, in this dream everyone dies.

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><p>I pretend not to wake when the sound of her sobbing beside me rips me from my sleep, I know what is wrong. I have to fight the urge to hold her and make the tears go away, to banish the nightmares from her mind, but I can't, she'll tell me when she's ready, no one can force her into talking about it. That day changed us all, I know that is what she's dreaming about from the rare times she has awoke screaming my name, the beads of sweat trickling down her face blending into her tears, I will always remember her face as she realises that she is safe, but Smurf is gone. It's heartbreaking. We try to continue as normal, but I simply cannot ignore her sobs any longer, she won't become empty like many before her, I won't let her become the ghost of former days.<p>

This time it was different, I was startled by her screaming my immediate reaction was to check the space beside me. Empty. My nervous system went into overdrive "Mol's! Mol's where are you?" I knew she was having another nightmare so I shouted across the house trying to snap her out of it; she often comes downstairs when she can't sleep. That's when I saw the light from her laptop on the coffee table, I raced to her where she was laying curled up on the sofa in a cold sweat screaming at the top of her lungs "Please, just get it over with, just do it!" Her voice reflected her distressed mood. Knowing that my voice wasn't going to pull her from this one I started to shake her body calling her name. Her eyes snapped open; she looked so lost for a brief moment before the crying took over, I pulled her into me not bearing her to be away from me for another second. I stroked her hair to calm her whilst she mumbled something that resembled "don't leave me, please don't leave me." I couldn't bear to see her like this, so lost, so broken. At long last a peaceful sleep took over the sound of distraught cries were replaced by the soft sound of her light snoring that I love so much; knowing that she would be more comfortable upstairs and not wanting to disturb her I carried her up to our room. It tears me apart see her like this, that would be the last nightmare Molly Dawes would be having, I'll make sure of it.

**Authors note: I'm aware that story wasn't the best of the ones on here, but I had to write it. So let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, and how I could improve, or perhaps your ideas as to how it could develop. I'm open to all suggestions.**  
><strong>I don't own the Our Girl characters or the ever so hot Ben Aldridge! All the rights belong to the BBC<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it!**  
><strong>Have a good day!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

I watched the sun rise that morning, I had been awake all night making sure that she didn't have another nightmare I felt the overwhelming need to protect her from an enemy that we couldn't fight with guns and force like we did the first time round, theses demons were ghosts of the original evil that we had faced, she had beaten them then so why not now? Her hand was intertwined with mine it was as if I was an anchor holding her down, keeping her here in bed with me rather than on her hellish version of that battlefield. I have seen countless cases of PTSD with men that have lost someone close to them on the battlefield, we all go through a phase once we have come home the confusion we experience when readjusting seems to fuel the nightmares, but they are only ever for a few days, two weeks tops. Molly didn't fit the mould for PTSD, but then when did she ever fit into a category. As if she had heard rambling thoughts she stirred in her sleep, eyelids fluttering open "Boss?" her voice was groggy and sweet all at once. "Good morning sleepyhead, how are we feeling this morning?" I didn't want to go straight in and ask her what had caused her to be so fragile last night. "A lot better now that I know that you're not a nightmare. I think I'm ready to talk about it, I've had enough of 'em." Despite a hushed tone that was laced with a dreamy tone, I could hear her determination in her voice last night must have been the last straw for her. "I'll go make some coffee then, I love you Molly Dawes don't forget that." I replied whilst slipping out of bed to make my way to the kitchen.

Just as I was getting mugs out of the cupboard I noticed her standing in the doorway, "I was going to bring them up, are you alright?" Normally her leaning against the doorframe in nothing but her shorts and West Ham t-shirt would drive me crazy, but today I had nothing but concern in my heart for Molly Dawes. "I just had to make sure that you were real." She said with a slight air of confidence but an undertone of uncertainty. Looking as uncertain as her tone she makes her way over the barstools behind the breakfast bar in front of me, perching at one as if to make her seem more stable. "Why wouldn't I be real?" I ask sitting down beside her. After a few moments of consideration she started to explain the nightmares "They have just been so real recently I have trouble separating real life from the nightmares, every night Smurf dies and it's driving me crazy. I nearly always wake up in a cold sweat, even with you beside me I feel so alone for a few moments when I wake I get so confused, feel so lost. I hate it. I just wish they would f-off and leave me be!" Her calm tone quickly turned into one of anger. "He dies every night, each time in Afghan and I can't save him, god knows I've tried. Every night he dies before my eyes." The voice that was so full of anger quickly changes into one of sadness, I know the death of Smurf hit her hard, but she seemed to get over the grief pretty quickly with her second tour, she even jokes about things he used to do and what he would think of us two being so couple like nowadays. Seeing the clear distress on her face I intertwined out hands upon the counter, I spoke with caution but in a soft tone. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have listened you know that."

"Well I just fought that..." Her words transform into heartbreaking whimpers. I hold her face in my hands just like when we were in Afghan, and as I stare into her eyes she doesn't seem as lost, my tone becomes more serious but never faulting in the caring accent. "What have I told you about thinking? I love you, that means that I'm not going anywhere any time soon, we are in this together, your never alone Dawsey, I'm always going to be right beside you holding your hand. You want to shout and scream sometimes then I'll be the guy that you do it to, if you ever just want to cry I'm going to be the guy that holds you whilst you do so and then cheers you up afterwards. Molly Dawes you are the most important part of my world so if these nightmares make you feel lost and confused then I might gonna need a compass and map because we are lost together." When I had finally stopped talking her mascara had shifted a long way south and she was crying, but this time her eyes were full of a light that had been absent for so long. "Thank you, I've never 'ad someone say anything like that to me before." Her voice was slightly overtaken by her tears and sniffly nose, but she meant the words all the same. "I mean it Mols, I love you to the end of the earth and back." A cheeky smile formed across her face "I love you to bossman. Now let's see about these coffees 'cause you still ain't taught me how to use this bloody machine!" My Molly was back, mouthy as ever, although she wasn't completely free of her demons it was a start on the road to escapism.

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><p><strong>So I hoped you enjoyed that chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, not so much the content but more of Captain James perspective. I may explore it more from Molly's view in future chapters if that is something you would like to see.<br>****As always let me know what you thought, and anything you would like to see. I don't own 'Our Girl' or any of it's characters all rights belong to the BBC.  
><strong>**Quick thank you to everyone who has commented so far, you really do fuel my writing with all of the ideas and feedback you give.  
><strong>**Have a good day! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

It's been three months since the night that changed us as a couple. It was by far my worst nightmare, but somehow the thought of having Charles protecting me twenty four seven seemed to make then calm down. Don't get me wrong they're not gone forever far from it they still invade my sleep every now and then, but none leave me in a cold sweat or unable to sleep. Talking helps, whenever I experience a nightmare it's like he knows, he is always there to hug me when I awake in the middle of the night, to tell me it's not real and kiss the tears away. Sometimes he just holds me and any nightmare that I have goes away, they don't exist in that moment, and they don't dare intrude. The fire rages in front of my eyes, I watch as the oranges and yellows fight for dominance as if entertaining the crows and pining for their applause. As two muscular arms snake around my waist I am torn away from the firey display "Everything okay?" Charles asks leaning his head on my shoulder, I've never had love like this, but I know I don't want it to end "Perfect, where's Sam?" It is his schools bonfire night firework display we are attending, despite Rebecca being here I don't feel nervous, we all share a common love for Sam and we are all here to support him in any way we can. "I think he's off with his mum, something to do with a spaceship he made, I go grab us some drinks, tea alright?" I don't really want him to leave me, I hardly know anyone, but I am dying for a cuppa. He kisses me lightly on the cheek and disappears toward the school buildings. I shove my hands in my pockets, suddenly cold from his absence. "How long have you to been together then?" An old women appears beside me, I assume she is one of the children's grandmother as she is way to old be a teacher, "Urm..." I try to formulate a number in my head, do I count the months that we spent on tour, cause we weren't a couple then. After a few calculations and second guessing I finally provide the lady with an answer "Urm... about just over a year? Although I'm not entirely sure." My voice sounded more hesitant than I expected it to be, no one has ever really taken an interest in me and bossman as a couple. "Gone so quick you haven't kept track, I remember the days... transfixed by them the minute they walk in the room and an aching heart when they leave. I know the feeling Dearie, we've all been there. How did you meet?" The woman sounds so engrossed into heyr own memories she seems to forget that I'm there till she looks up and asks a question. /span"We were both in the army, that's how we met, couple of days before our deployment to Afghanistan. We were part of one of the last long term deployments." I decided to skim over a few details, avoiding questions was something I wanted to do. At the end of the day this was still Sam's school and I weren't about to tell this women my story, I don't know what Charles has told Sam about us and I don't want gossip spreading about me, the girl he had is wicked way with on tour. "We're you on the same team then?" The lady questions. "We were in the same platoon, yeah. I was the sections medic." Keeping to the facts was easy as she didn't ask any more questions after that, she just kinda disappeared back into the darkness from where she came.

Luckily the man of the hour returned rather quickly with my cuppa, "Admiring the view Dawes?" He asked handing me the hot polystyrene cup, using his free arm he pulled me closer to his side so I could lean on him slightly. "I am now, this tea is ruddy awful!" I say looking up into his deep brown eyes, the tea was indescribable, but you could tell it was made by a canteen lady. "Eyes front Private, this is a school after all. Not too many images of me in uniform. This coffee is just as bad, would it be wrong to go get the flask out the car?" His tone went from mock serious to damn right chuckling, I could feel the vibrations on his chest. "You should see my phone wallpaper" I tease "I don't think it's that bad Bossman, nothing a bowl of coca pops and a shot of Rosabuya won't fix." I couldn't help but make light of his disgust of the coffee that he had. The tea wasn't that bad in the end I've had worse, but judging by the look on his face and the brown patch appearing on the grass the coffee was a completely different ball bag.

After a short announcement by the head of the school thanking us for attending the fireworks began. With an awful lot of people in one space me and Charles had reverted back to how we're were earlier with his head perched on top of mine, with light kisses being placed on my neck every so often. The first set of fireworks we're rather quiet compared to others I have heard in the weeks previous. But then when you have been hit by an IED you idea of loud changes a tad. People "oohed" and "ahhed" as vibrant colours filled the sky above us. My body began to fill tense, beads of sweat travelled along my back, I put it down to the sudden increase in temperature as this was the closest anyone was allowed to the bonfire; more fireworks filled the air. But I could no longer hear the crowd their cries of delight were morphed into screams of despair, my body felt heavy, my heart rate increased. Next thing I know Charles is dragging me away from the crowds and towards a cluster of trees.

Charles Pov:

The coloured sparks illuminated the sky like ballerinas performing a show. They were choreographed and quiet. I felt Molly's body tense, I kissed her neck to see if I got a response. Nothing. Not wanting to alarm anyone I pulled her out of the crowds, I knew what was happening, her nightmares just came back with an almighty bang.

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><p><strong>Will Charles be able to snap Molly out of her hallucination? Or will she experience a flashback that is her worst knee they? <strong>

**I hoped you enjoyed that chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, bonfire night has been on my list of ideas ever since I read an article explaining how fireworks can affect war veterans. **

******As always let me know what you thought, and anything you would like to see. I don't own 'Our Girl' or any of it's characters all rights belong to the BBC.  
><strong>**Quick thank you to everyone who has commented so far, you really do fuel my writing with all of the ideas and feedback you give.  
><strong>**Have a good day! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for not updating and for the length of this chapter, I just got caught up in so much work I didn't have time or inspiration to write anything for a while. This is kinda a bridge between the two chapter so I can delve into this idea more in the next chapter. Also warning for language in this chapter, I don't like using it but I feel it really helps to express anger here.

As usual, I don't own Our Girl all rights go to Tony Grounds and the BBC.

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><p>It all became a blur, right before my eyes the trees morphed into a mountainous terrain and the wet, muddy grass became a gritty sand. I was back in Afghan. Beads of sweat travelled down my forehead, my body began to feel heavy as if I had full kit on, I could feel the sand underneath my boots. It was so real, only seconds ago I was in a muddy school field in the centre of Bath, it can't be bloody real. I'm not letting then win this time, no way. "I'm in the centre of Bath, I'm out with Charles and Sam. I am not in Afghanistan!" I found myself screaming to myself, trying to snap out of this nightmare dreamscape, I frantically turned my head to see if it was actually fake, my perception was all off I couldn't tell. The sun was beating down I could feel it on my skin, this can't be real can it?<p>

"Molly?" I was shattered, I could feel my heart breaking into pieces like a fragmented mirror, the woman that I love was in danger and I could save her, her eyes were screwed up she was sweating despite the bitter cold surrounding us. Her lips moved ever so slightly in an attempt to say something, but all that was voiced was a mumble. "Molly, can you hear me? It's not real any of it, your not where you think you are." I held her by the shoulders and shook her lightly to try and get her back. Knowing that this might not work, my emotions kicked in "Come back to me." I pleaded, not with Molly, but with the nightmare that was holding her hostage.

Just before I could turn the ground started to shake and I heard a distant call "come back to me" it was soft, like a whisper, but no mistake it was bossman. I turned myself round, hoping to find him. I did. I was suddenly faced with the surroundings of the bridge checkpoint, it was as if I was there but no one could see me, bossman snapped his head around. There was me I was running towards him screaming, he pulled his weapon, but to slowly. Bang. Blood spattered the concrete. My eyes snapped open, I refused to watch the person I love die again.

The look I was faced with was one of sheer terror, she looked like she had seen a ghost. I know where she'd been, I didn't need to pry or question. We leant against a nearby tree, I held her tight, never wanting her to leave me again, as her sobs made her shake and tears stained my top. I don't know how long we stayed there, but the bonfire had long died down. I glanced at my phone, the bright display showed the time, 11:24, long after we had arrived in thus murky hollow. We had ended up sitting on the cold, damp, floor, Molly still tightly held against me. She'd stopped crying, but I think it was because she was exhausted, not because it had gone away. Afghanistan will never leave her alone, not for a second. It makes me so fucking mad, we were all there, all three of us, Smurf is dead, I'm out for good, and Molly, my Molly, is stuck relieving the entire event nearly every night in her dreams. It's a fucking nightmare, after all how can you save someone from themselves?


End file.
